'If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be': Blogger Mel O'Neill reflects on the past month

But sadly I don’t have a magic wand.

(I only wish I did). 

After 6 years of living with inflammatory breast cancer which is aggressive and fast spreading, I’m still here with the last few CT scans showing no signs of any disease. 

I’d love to say it was the many different diets I tried or the oil I took, the reiki I had or the supplements I invested in. 

I’d like to say it was the complimentary, alternative treatments I had or the books I read but it was none of those things.

I’d like to say it was visiting John of God in Brazil (but I’ll never really know that one) or pat myself on the back and tell you it was the strength in my mind set but I was often more broken than anyone can imagine and had to piece myself back together for my husband and kids especially after the brain injury. 

You see I got lucky. I am one of the lucky ones (so far). 

Why? I don’t know. 

I had a fantastic oncologist at The Christie who always knew what to do with every bout of bad news, and there were many. 

Every treatment I was put on might never have gotten rid of the cancer but it kept me alive and bought me time until I was eventually put on the clinical trial which cleared everything up. 

Please don’t get me wrong, all those things kept me well and my body healthy and I truly believe they have cured many people with less aggressive cancers, which in turn gave me an incredible amount of hope, something I would never have had without Nicola Leadbetter organising a yearly Rainbow Ball to help raise money. 

And now my new doctors refuse to tell me it’s gone, just that there is no evidence of any disease and I’m responding well to treatment. 

As my immune system continues to get weaker as my bone marrow which produces the white blood cells for fighting off infection is weaker than ever, my treatment keeps being postponed as I am unable to tolerate it with such a low blood count.

But I refuse to live in fear of what might happen in the future. 

Taking each day as it comes enjoying every day as much as I can but finding it hard to fathom what me and my family have been through in the past few years. 

Over the past few days I watched the programme on the Manchester bombing 100 days on and cried from start to finish. 

How unbelievably lucky were we that night?

The following day I watched Alan Titchmarsh completely makeover a family’s home and garden and cried again from start to finish as the mum/wife suffered a heart attack leaving her with only 30% vision and then went on to get breast cancer and had two young girls with only a year between them and a similar age to mine. 

The resemblance was remarkable as I continue to trip and kick things I don’t see in sight, ever since the brain injury and, exactly like the programme, my kids are always there to support me or hold my hand directing and stabilizing me without ever complaining.

I eventually got my driver’s licence back and that is something she will never get back, so again I watched with such gratitude at how lucky I really am. 

My friend Shelley once told me “We all come into this world with a date stamped on our arse of when we will leave and there’s nothing we can do in between to change that.” 

I believe in mindfulness and meditation, in happiness and being stress free, in positivity and living in the now…but… if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. 

If we were meant to be any of those things, we will be because it’s meant to be. 

Saying everything happens for a reason is so very true because we’ve got that date stamped. 

All we can do is learn from the bad things (even though it’s little comfort when we are going through the bad) and embrace the good and make them even better. 

Dedicated to a lady taken far too early from cancer who came to the Rainbow Ball to support me.

My deepest sympathy goes to those who knew her.

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