HOW do you solve a problem like Maria?

Stalk her by CCTV, mess with her plumbing and burgle her house. In days, you will be back in her good books and back in her bed if your name is Charlie Stubbs (Coronation Street).

If the bad lad builder's scheming wasn't shocking enough, he celebrated it by drinking the wine he had stolen from her - with his other girlfriend Tracy.

Maria is a silly wench for falling under the spell of the Street's dodgiest romantic since Peter Barlow, but who can blame her?

And who can blame Charlie for deviating from Tracy, who nowadays seems to spend all her time spending his money and appearing at the yard to ask if he'll meet her for lunch/take her out for dinner?

She either needs to get a job or revive her best asset and partake in some quality bitching - perhaps starting with Claire.

Over at the factory, is it just me or is Adam Barlow's hairdo becoming more bizarre by the day? The fringe seems to be getting shorter while the back keeps on growing.

I'll give him credit, he's still got a following of female admirers - but imagine how many more ladies would be tuning in if he had a trim to tidy up that mop.

Over in Neighbours, Janae and Boyd continued to profess their undying love for each other, which sparked unlucky bride Janelle to kick her wayward daughter out of the house.

So the star-crossed lovers simply walked across the road to Toadie's and moved in there. Oh, and they kindly offered to pay rent as if it was an added bonus. What do they want, a medal?

Forget these young wannabes - what I really want to see is Susan and Karl reunited, and it looks like my wish will be coming true very soon! The couple will be sharing a passionate clinch in the near future. Now there's a life-long romance worth watching (if you forget the fact that Mr Kennedy is a cheating so-and-so but hey, this is TV so I'll let it slip).

Finally this week, due to popular demand, I have to mention EastEnders newcomer Sean Slater, who seems to have attracted a lot of attention from female viewers over the past week. What is it about soap bad boys that reels in the wenches?

I feel a competition coming on. Read next week's column to find out more ...