HEROINE of the week has to be Donna, who defied the Dingle court, which is either all-powerful or utterly ridiculous depending on how you look at it. I mean, for God's sake, who are these people (Emmerdale)?

Is Shadrach supposed to be comedic? He's a lazy, work-shy loser. Donna was frowned upon for 'shopping' him to the police, but what about shoplifting 'from your own'? She had every right to be angry.

Marlon was frightened that he was going to be ousted from the clan. You think he'd be over the moon!

Over in the Square, it's turning into a stressful week for Carla. For starters, she flipped out Brazilian style when she discovered that Grant had slept with Chelsea (three words - pot, kettle, black!) (EastEnders). Cue comedy moment in the Vic when Jane thought her secret had been rumbled. She pulled that famous soap face, the 'I'm guilty as hell' look, which nobody except viewers ever picks up on.

Grant tried to stop Carla from making a scene in the bar, even though no Walford resident has ever before shown any embarrassment at having their dirty laundry aired in front of a pub full of punters. Things got worse for the present Mrs Mitchell when she came face to face with her ex, Ray, who has followed her across the globe to get back the cash she owes him. And this is where Carla's true personality comes to light, as she schemes to fleece Grant. Does she not know, you don't mess with a Mitchell!

In Hollyoaks, the fallout from the exposure of Becca and Justin's affair has provided value for money as the cradle-snatching teacher gets her comeuppance. It's no wonder she tries to take her own life - imagine being confronted by Liz and Frankie in your own home. Hideous!

Meanwhile, one-eyed Justin has been wandering round looking miserable, though he has become Darren Osborne's hero of the hour for managing to get his teacher into bed. Who would've thought that Darren would turn out to be such a comedy captain? See what staying away from a loser like Scott Anderson can do for you!