DON'T expect bulging biceps, toned torsos and the odd six-pack stomach if you go down to UCI Cinemas, Westbrook, to catch the latest sporting action, Up and Under.

You're more likely to get double chins, chubby cheeks and a bounty of beer bellies.

Starring every man's favourite dumb blonde, Game On's Samantha Janus, Neil Morrissey of Men Behaving Badly fame and of course, Warrington Wolves' latest blockbusting signing, Adam Fogerty, this low budget, all-northern sporting comedy was about the only newish film on offer (if you've seen Titanic) for spectators this week.

This mouthwatering clash about a seven-a-side amateur pub team with only four players, five if one of them hasn't gone fishing, is bound to be a hit with the crowds that enjoy films of a more down to earth nature.

The Wheatsheaf Pub side couldn't score against a team of one-legged pigs on a bad day. Their training regimes are so bad that anything less than six pints, 20 fags and half a dozen games of pool would leave them out of condition.

Enter Arthur Hoyle, former Castleford hooker and budding British international whose career was cut short when he 'accidentally' attacked the referee.

With a painting and decorating career, like his marriage, going nowhere, he can't resist taking up a bet from love rival, slimy Tony Slattery, to coach the Wheatsheaf to glory in the next amateur Sevens competition in two months.

There's just one slight problem, the team he's got to beat, led by one Adam Fogerty, are unbeatable.

Enter Hazel Scott, (Samantha Janus), ex-wife of Aussie centre, Dave, (never heard of him!) to coach these lazy layabouts to glory - even if she's got to sign up to do so.

The film gets better in the second half and with a substitute appearance from the late, Brian Glover, it's just about worth the admission and it's got to be better than watching Warrington.

Verdict: 7/10

A game of two halves with man of the match, Adam Fogerty.

Converted for the new archive on 13 March 2001. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.