Together, forever

It was established last year by Marriage Resource, an inter-denominational Christian organisation which promotes marriage. The Rev Tom Moffatt, rector of Christ Church, Padgate, and area dean of Warrington, sees the week as a reason for celebration.

"We don't celebrate marriage enough, or say what a wonderful thing it is.

"There is so much negative stuff put out by the media about marriage. What we want to do is say: Look at these people who are married, who have a happy, positive and good relationship.

"We want to put the positive image back into being married. Marriage has almost become a word that has a negative effect. We would like the image to be better.

"People should make more of the fact that they have been married for a long time."

Mr Moffatt and his wife Emma have been married for 28 years, and have three children. For them, commitment is the most important aspect of marriage.

"It is important to see things through, however difficult they are, and to work at it," said Mr Moffatt.

"Like lots of things in life, you get out as much as you put in. If you are committed to working at a relationship, it grows and develops. There are many different stages such as the beginning, when a couple is alone, then when they have children, then when the children disappear, and finally when the couple is older. We don't celebrate those different stages enough."

Mr Moffatt's church worked with Relate to set up marriage preparation groups at the church. "We are trying to do a lot to promote marriage. There is a lot of pressure on people today to do their own thing, and not be sacrificial or committed. These two are not modern terms, but a lot in marriage is about this. The only way to deepen a relationship is give and take."

In a world of fragile relationships and broken promises, people need all the help and support they can get, according to the Rev Stephen Kingsnorth, moderator of Warrington Churches' Consultative Forum.

"I am surprised, when we are constantly told how much the church is irrelevant to people's lives, that so many still choose to make their vows in a Christian ceremony," he said.

"Somehow, they feel it is best to celebrate commitment while acknowledging the presence of God and seeking his blessing. Times are changing but there is still immense value in the state of marriage, a rite by which couples publicly commit themselves to sharing their lives, accepting responsibility alongside privilege."

Paul and Karen Astbury, of Dam Lane, Woolston, hope that they will remain married for the rest of their lives.

They lived together for six years before taking the plunge recently, with an exotic ceremony and honeymoon in the Dominican Republic, costing more than £2,000.

Paul and Karen have two children. "We were engaged for five years. Being together was the important thing for us," said Karen.

The cost of getting married was one of the reasons why they waited. They didn't see it as a priority.

When they did marry, it was in some style, with nine family members travelling out to the Dominican Republic.

For Paul and Karen, the priority in their marriage is spending quality time together - not the easiest issue since she works days, as an order clerk, and he works nights, as a production controller.

The other things that they consider important include trusting each other, talking to each other and having a sense of humour.

The most important thing in the marriage of Craig and Melanie Monks, of Winchester Avenue, Warrington, is love and understanding, according to Craig.

"You need to communicate, and it is also important not to rush into things," he said.

The couple knew each other for five years before they were married.

"You also should have some things in common," said Craig.

He and Melanie enjoy walking and music, and the Scout movement.

For Melanie, love and communication top the list.

She said arguing could be caused by people not listening to each other, and it could also be sparked off by taking stress home from work.

The couple both think it was important that they aimed to stay together for the rest of their lives.

Geoffrey and Samantha Bennett, of Cleeves Close, Howley, were teenage sweethearts.

They knew each other for four years before marrying. Geoffrey is 21 and Samantha is 20.

Geoffrey, a baker, puts trust and communication at the top of his list for a happy marriage.

"We also have lots of things in common. Sam likes taking pictures and I like film making. We like watching films and going to night clubs."

Samantha said the important aspects of marriage for her are being friends, having fun and not being too serious.

"I think we will always stay together," she said.

Talking, not arguing, is one of the secrets of keeping a relationship intact, according to Relate, the former National Marriage Guidance Council.

To mark National Marriage Week, Relate has done research into what causes couples to argue.

The main issues, revealed by more than 2,000 people, are money, sex, children, personal habits, work, housework, parents and friends.

Relate has also published a book called "Stop Arguing and Start Talking."

Mary Marrow, chairman of Cheshire Relate, said that one of the functions of her organisation was to help couples to communicate with each other.

"Communication is the most important thing for a successful marriage. We have couples coming for help sitting with their arms folded and hardly speaking on the first visit and by the second or third they are talking openly to each other," said Mary.

Couples with marriage problems are leaving it too late before they seek help, according to a report by Relate.

Hazel Gregory, marriage counsellor and psychosexual therapist with Warrington Relate, said: "As soon as couples recognise that they are unhappy about an aspect of their relationship, and it can't be resolved by negotiation, they should seek help."

Hazel said that issues which could cause discontent include finance, where one partner might be paying all the bills, while the other was "riding along."

Some couples, she said, have not learned how to resolve difficulties.

Hazel said the number of cases involving violence is increasing, and it is often because couples did not communicate effectively.

While violence is usually displayed by men, it is often reciprocal, and there is also a tendency among women to throw things.

In Warrington, there is a six week waiting list to get help from Relate, although couples can be helped sooner if they are prepared to travel short distances to nearby branches. Warrington Relate can be contacted on 630124.

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