IT was business as usual, as the search for the next Will Young began in Pop Idol 2003 (ITV1, Saturday).

Ant and Dec did their contestant-nurturing, cheeky chappies act; Cut-throat Cowell scowled and glowered; Foxy had a fit of the giggles, and Pete Waterman showed more signs that he is turning into a batty old codger with wild hair and eyes!

The real stars - as always at the start of each series - were the wannabes with zero musical ability. If we thought the YMCA girl plumbed the depths of singing talent last time, we hadn't counted on being dragged right through the centre of the earth's crust by the wonderful Warren Wald on Saturday.

The moon-faced Londoner murdered Survivor's Eye of the Tiger - at least I think that was what he was trying to sing - but couldn't understand the panel's reaction in rejecting his bid for a place in the next round.

Some of the contestants did impress, however. A blond male Barbie, who methinks wants it a little too much, made Simon Cowell see pound signs before his eyes. "Top 10", he said knowingly to the rest of the judges, as the youngster left the room. No pressure on the boy then, Cowell!

Whether the decision to allow the Scouse motormouth Rachel through to the next round was a good one, I'm not so sure. She may have been amusing as a one-off, but that level of vocal hysteria is an invitation to a slap round the face at some point.

Speaking of which, someone should use this tactic on Cowell's girlfriend Terri to wake her up to his cavalier behaviour towards her.

In Being Simon Cowell, a revealing documentary on the Super Ego (also shown on ITV1 on Saturday), the poor girl came across as a little lapdog, following a pace behind her man.

Cowell himself appears to be a spoilt mummy's boy with a commitment phobia. Maybe a slap on the legs from the said mother would have instilled a little humility in the young Cowell, and saved us from watching him sulk over the size of his American Idol dressing room or show off over the expanse of his L.A. mansion.

As Ant and Dec said - maybe not entirely as a joke - "All that money, and no taste!"

SOAP POSER:

HAS Pat Butcher been strangled by her dangly ear-rings? She promised to be with new mum Laura 'every step of the way', but as Bobby Beale's mater struggled last week with the twin terrors of a demanding infant and a doting dad who isn't, the Walford battleship was nowhere to be seen!

FINALLY ON 24:

BY the end of this series of the best drama on TV at the moment, poor old Jack's heart was having trouble holding out - and so was mine!

The CTU hero, however, is made of stern stuff, and he still managed to take out nearly all of villain Kingsley's men single-handed. Sherry Palmer redeemed herself by helping out - 'I'm doing this for David'. Unfortunately, David (the US President) may not survive to appreciate the gesture. He emulated Bill Clinton in shaking the hand of a pretty brunette in the crowd on a 'walk about', and received a fistful of plague in return!

I'm not worried. Tony Almeida is back in control at the CTU; Jim Robinson may not be such a bad guy if he does have to step into Palmer's shoes, and Jack might have the chance to have a brief lie down in hospital before he's dragged into the next day's action. The only down side is that the irritating, blonde bimbo Kimmy made it back to CTU. Shake her hand, David. Shake her hand, please!