I was about to give up on Comic Relief. Trinny and Susannah had just descended on poor Jack Dee like a pair of harpies in white nightdresses, and Lenny Henry had, well just been Lenny Henry. And then it happened.

Peter Kay strode on to the screen, flanked by Corrie's Ken and Deirdre and, for the next few minutes, true comedy reigned on the BBC!

The Bolton maestro's video version of 'Is This The Way To Amarillo?' was pure class. With a supporting cast that included Jim Bowen, Mr Blobby, Bungle the Bear, Shakin' Stevens, Mike Parkinson and Ronnie Corbett, Kay blew away the ranks of so-called comic superstars queuing up to bore the pants off us.

Rowan Atkinson and his Spider-Plant Man sketch had barely raised a titter, while someone really should tell Jennifer Saunders to find a new day job. The very thin joke that spawned a never-ending glut of 'Ab Fab' scripts has long since totally expired from lack of creative nourishment.

The predictable contribution from Saunders' partner in crimes against comedy, Mrs Lenny, at least provided one smile as Jonathan Ross took a deep breath and tried bravely to enunciate 'The Vicar of Dibley'. Unfortunately, that smile was soon wiped off my face as the excruciatingly annoying Alice revealed she was taking her Papa Smurf to be valued on 'The Antiques Roadshow'. Just take all the Dibley scripts, girl - although they are better left in the past!

The final of 'Comic Relief Does Fame Academy' provided another brief giggle, when Lesley Garrett appeared looking like Emma Thompson as Professor Trelawney, the Divination teacher from the Harry Potter books.

The rest of this contest was no laughing matter as one experienced singer employed by the BBC beat a trained singer employed by the BBC in the final. I am still not sure what voters saw in the performances of DJ Edith Bowman. As far as my ear could tell, she 'murdered' one tune after another, and displayed as much charisma as a piece of wet haddock.

Richard Park and Patrick Kielty continued with their infantile squabbling, while the man from 'Strictly Come Dancing' proved to be just an orange mini version of Park.

Wossie was the only presenter worthy of the role. In a bid to give Graham Norton something to do for the obscene amount of cash the BBC is reported to have paid for his services, the mincing micro-talent was thrown into the mix. He looked out of place and out of his league.

Next year I suggest the organisers of this charity push should just hand over the evening's programming to Peter Kay - and alert the nation's hospitals for an influx of split sides!

SOAP POSER:

I don't know about Corrie's Killer Katy being charged with Tommy's murder, but she should certainly be arrested for inflicting grievous bodily harm on the soap's reputation for restrained but forceful acting. Stop shaking and panicking, girl, or I'll shop you myself!